Friday, April 29, 2011

Love/Hate....Motivate

So, after a long, long absence I have finally decided to write again.  It has been a long time. I want to begin by saying that this will be the first non-soccer post, so you should be excited.  However, I don't overly care what you think. However, for some reason that I have yet to understand, you care what I think if you are here.

Sadly, I have not been to the gym in weeks.  Since before my awesome vacation to New Orleans and Charlotte...but the reason for that is not the vacation.  I have no had motivation recently.  I am going through some shit, and just don't really care.  I had to drop out of the Tough Mudder, a very hard decision that brought me way down, and took every ounce of motivation out of me.  But the gauntlet has been laid down by Ajax, and I am picking it up and smacking him in the face with it! Challenge accepted.  Racing for gains in the weight room.  Finally some new motivation, I can't wait to get back into the gym...Monday...cuz I have a huge test tomorrow that I need to focus on.  Kinda important for my national certification for my job.

Another motivating thing for me, I applied to be a head soccer coach at a college. (And here you thought there wasn't going to be anything about soccer...don't worry, this is it.) Crossing my fingers and hoping for an interview...I don't have a ton of experience, so they won't like that, but I know I can do the job, and if I get an interview, I am going to kill it! Bring it on! Just give me the fucking opportunity. I would give up the last three years of my life in which I earned my Master's and am working on my C.A.S. for School Psychology if I could coach at the college level...it is my ultimate goal to teach at that level or higher.

So, as I said, I am going through a rough time in my life...but one good thing from it is that I started writing again. Never found a reason to write when I (thought I) was happy. Let's be honest, I was lying to myself almost as much as I was being lied to. Sorry...I digress...so I wrote a song.  And it probably isn't very good, as a song.  I don't have any idea how I would make it work as a song, but I am sure I could...I just don't know.  Either way, I think it is a great work of art, and if it doesn't work as a song, then it is a really long poem...but either way, I am introducing it as a song. I have not written a song since high school, so I am out of practice.  But whatever.

So, a small introduction and explanation...not about the meaning...but about how its to be read. If you are confused by this now, you will understand when you read it.  Everything in parenthesis is being whispered, they are like the thoughts in my head.  During verse 1, the thoughts are getting stronger, during verse 2, the thoughts are slowly leaving.  The words not in parenthesis are what I am saying to the world. So here goes, it is called:

Love / Hate
Verse 1
I don’t know what I’d do without you                     (I wish I never met you)
My life wouldn’t be the same without you            (You were the worst thing to happen to me)
What did I do to deserve you                                  (What did I do to deserve this…)
in my life                                                                              (get out of my life)
You are everything to me                                             (You are nothing to me)

Pre-chorus
There was so much I wanted to tell you
My thoughts have been dragging me down
I tried for years to hide it…
But finally I can tell you…                                              (finally)

Chorus
You can’t break me down
You can’t hurt me…ANYMORE
If there is one thing I could say to you
One thing to leave you with
I always loved you
But now I HATE YOU

Verse 2
 You did this to me                                          (You don’t know what you do to me)
I can’t stand you anymore                                           (I need you with me)
When I see you                                                                (When I look in your eyes)
A rage builds inside me                                                 (I get butterflies)
I’ve had enough                                                               (I can’t get enough)

Pre-chorus
There was so much I wanted to tell you
My thoughts have been dragging me down
I tried for years to hide it…
But finally I can tell you…                                              (finally)

Chorus
You can’t break me down
You can’t hurt me…ANYMORE
If there is one thing I could say to you
One thing to leave you with
I always loved you
But now I HATE YOU

Bridge
It’s crazy how you can think one thing
Yet feel another
But finally….                                                      (finally….)

Chorus
You can’t break me down
You can’t hurt me…ANYMORE
If there is one thing I could say to you
One thing to leave you with
I always loved you
But now I HATE YOU

~fin
 Everything was supposed to be lined up...but whatever, I don't feel like messing with the format on here, it is frustrating me. I'll be back soon, with more interesting material for you to waste moments of your life on.

Current mood: Blah
Current song: My Confession - Otep

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

i'm one step closer to the edge and i'm about to BREAK!

It has been a while since I wrote an entry, and I apologize...no actually I don't, I just haven't had anything specific to write about. Life has been too boring, or too busy, never enough time to just sit and write, until now. This will be nothing like my other 2 posts. So sorry, or you're welcome, depending on who you are.

This entry is going to be about the last week. First off, I wanted to say how much of an awesome break I had from work over the last week. I work in a school, so I got the one week off after Christmas, plus Christmas eve off. Break started with an awesome trip to Olean on the 23rd. I was starting the celebration early. Got to spend time with my closest friend who lives way too far away, but he was up for the weekend from Louisianna, and so I could not miss the opportunity to hang out for a bit. We drank some delicious beers, and had amazing food, and just hung out. I even learned how to play pinochle...and I actually still remember how to play a little. Some of it still confuses me, but o well. Add in a little drunk Trivial Pursuit, in which only one of the 3 people playing could get a piece in 45 minutes of playing (we gave up at 2 AM) and it was a great night.  Glass of water later, and I wake up just fine in the morning, somehow without hearing my alarm, right at 8. Which was when I had to leave, so it worked out really well. Drove back home, picked up the wife, and we headed to Rochester. She drove, thankfully...I was a little tired...

Spent Christmas Eve and Christmas in Rochester. Fun to see my wife's family, great times. Got some big news. Probably the best gift of the entire season. My wife's cousin, and her husband, on her dad's side asked the wife and I to be godparents for their son to be born in March! Of course we said yes!!! We were both extremely happy! Also made plans to run in the Tough Mudder in Allentown, Pennsylvania with Steve (for those of you who know me, that was not a mis-print), the father to my soon to be godson. I'll go into the Tough Mudder later.

Went back home later Christmas day, then on the 26th, went to visit with my dad for Christmas. Another awesome day, had a lot of fun. I do not get to see my dad often, and it is always a special time when we can get together. Miss that guy...so it was great to see him to say the least. We had a lot of fun just hanging out and talking. Later we go back home, and that's the weekend. However, Monday comes and we go to see my mom in Olean, and then after dinner and getting my new phone, drive to Erie to get the wife her new phone, then back home in Lakewood. So we were all over the place. Tuesday, I'm back in Olean, only for lunch, but then after lunch back to Lakewood, and I am extremely exhausted from all the traveling. Wednesday and Thursday, nothing, just relaxing, playing video games, hanging out.

Friday, it's back to Rochester...for New Year's Eve, in Downtown Rochester. Thankfully, we are just going to one bar and staying there. So there we are, listening to The Taint play their music on stage. The show was great. However, some dude without any hesitation shoved his hand down some girls pants next to us, and then at midnight, after the wife and I kiss to ring in the new year, this same guy tries to grab my wife and kiss her. She pushes him off, tells him she is married and that I'm her husband. He proceeds to say he doesn't care, and he is interested...She said she isn't and told him to "Fuck Off." He did not. He stayed in front of us...mind you we were right at the stage the whole night, he forced his way in to try to kiss her, and then wouldn't leave. He just kept staring but not trying anything. Eventually, after I yelled at him to fuck off, John, the singer, who likes the four of us that were there together, tells the guy to get out of the way and let the other two back up to the front. The guy goes away, gets a drink. I go to the bathroom, come back, and he is right behind my wife again...so I push him out of my way and whisper into his ear to "get the fuck out of my way." If he tried anything, I was completely prepared to go to jail that night...I was ready to punch him in the face...I think everyone that was up by the stage including the band would have supported me and said the dude fell...he was clearly wasted, and we weren't. Anyway, other than that and a dude trying to elbow my wife in the head (John told him to fuck off that if he wasn't gonna settle down, he'd have him thrown out, they left too), it was a good night. We got to talk with the band after the show, then headed back to the wife's parent's house. New Years is over, and on the 1st, we head back home. We watch the UFC fights that night, and have a couple drinks. Sunday, the 2nd, back to Olean to do Christmas with my mom. Another fun day, nothing crazy. Good times. Break officially over. Let's just say, I do not feel like I had much of a break with all of the traveling. So ends the story of my break...check back soon for an explanation of the Tough Mudder, my preparation for it, and what I expect...and go to toughmudder.com, it will help to explain as well.

Race is not until April 9th or 10th, expect a full recount of my tale.

Friday, December 10, 2010

"I Go To JCC, I'm Awesome"....Get A Hold Of Yourself...

I promise, not every post is going to be about soccer...but last night I was playing at the Lakewood YMCA and the team we were playing against was such a bunch of tools, I had to post about it.

So, I just wanted to play any kind of soccer, and I joined a co-ed league for the heck of it. It gets me touches on the ball, and I got to meet a few cool people and have fun on Thursday nights. Now, I was supposed to be on a team with the Randolph soccer coaches and some of their friends, but the league decided to close memberships to full teams, and so I got thrown on a makeshift team of whoever just kind of signed up to play. Needless to say, it is not the greatest bunch of players on the world. Sure we have a couple good ones. Myself, yea, I'm awesome so screw you (now I do not actually believe I'm awesome, but 4 year starter at a division 3 school that was in the national tournament twice and robbed of a 3rd trip with 21 seconds remaining, I'd say I'm pretty good), Joel and Kurt are definitely the three best players we have, without a doubt. Our team actually does not have a girl on it, but it is not our fault, no girls signed up blindly, however, I have quickly noticed that not every team does have a girl, so what can ya do. However, what our team does have is two people who have no right to be playing soccer. I understand it's a co-ed league and it's for fun, but seriously, they should not be out there. One of them is in his 60's overweight, and still rocking rec-specs (much respect for the rec-specs though!), and no matter which way he is facing, will one-touch the ball as hard as he can every time. The other is overweight and uncoordinated, and may touch the ball once every 10 times he tries. I feel terrible writing this about them because they are both very nice people, but I do not understand why they are playing soccer. The problem is, the younger one never subs himself out, and if he does it's 8 minutes into the 10 minute period. So we play with 4 people who are OK, and him, plus a keeper. Sometimes, we have both of them on the field at the same time, so it's basically like we have 3 people plus a keeper, and 2 cones, who work hard, but leaves us very short of players on the field. It does get us a rest, but when you are playing against 5 competent players and a good keeper, we definitely struggle to compete for those minutes, even when only one of them is on the field, we still are playing a man down basically. Anyway, even with those handicaps, we are always competitive. Joel, Kurt, and myself, along with the rest of the team, who work hard and aren't terrible, but are not anything too special, find ways to score goals and keep us in games. We have only won 2 games so far this year, our first one, and then last night, but we are only losing every game by about a 2 goal average, so it is not so bad considering what we are working with. Oh, I forgot to tell you, we also do not have a real keeper on the team...so Joel plays the first quarter, and then one of our other players plays 2 quarters, then someone else plays a quarter. It's absolutely terrible.

So onto the main reason for this post (sorry, had to rant about the situation first), last night we played against a team of kids that play for JCC, Jamestown campus, or at least, so they say. So they play together a lot, and are most likely from the area, so they are used to playing in the Lakewood YMCA, so they already have 2 things going for them. Luckily for us, they also do not have a real keeper, but they also do not have one of their best field players playing in the goal either. I get to the Y, and am warming up, Joel comes over to me and explains that the ref just talked to him and said that the JCC team was dirty and played overly physical, specifically for a co-ed league, but in general, they are just dirty. And less than 1 minute into the game, I defend a guy and he grabs me and tries to turn me around. Now, I have been playing soccer since I was 5, played at a great Division III school, and know how to control myself and body people, so his attempts to pull me off the ball were futile and he failed, but he did get called for a foul, thank you referee, stay on top of it early and try to stop it. I insist on getting in that players head and say "nice try, but you aren't gonna throw me around" and if you paid attention to my earlier post, well under the 15 word limit for a good trash talk/heckle. However, the ref calling it did nothing to stop it, they were cheap and dirty and did everything they could to get an advantage (that they did not need most of the time). I score a rocket shot from about 20 yards from the goal, BOOM!, but at the end of the 1st quarter (yes quarters...haven't played quarters since I was 10...) we are down 2-1. Keeping it close, but these guys are younger than our team by an average year span of at least 10 years. They should be all over us. Only one of them looked like he was in his 20's. 2nd quarter starts and we are actually all over them, it is a physical game, as I was saying, I am in behind the defense, and their "bruiser" because apparently they need a bruiser in co-ed soccer at the Lakewood YMCA, just takes my legs out from under me and rocks me to the ground as I go to shoot. Red card in real soccer, only a yellow right now. Lucky bastard really. As I am getting up I talk trash, call him a douche bag...not going to lie, probably shouldn't have he reacted, wanted the ref to do something, but the ref didn't hear anything, so I laugh, and re-emphasize that he is, without actually saying it, and say a couple times to try for the ball next time, and wave him off saying see ya. It was fun :). Ensuing free kick, saved by the keeper, damn shame too, bent it very well. O well, the kid if off for the last 2 minutes of the half. We go into halftime up 4-2. At halftime I explain to Joel that the kid that took em out, he is definitely going to be pissed at me since I called him a douche bag, and will probably try to take me out. He did attempt to drop me a couple times, but they were well within the limits of the game, and both failed anyway, so whatever. He ends up getting pissed about 3 minutes into the third quarter, yells the "f-bomb" as the referee called it, which is an automatic yellow in the YMCA, and BOOM, red card, see ya, they play with 4 people for the remained of the game. It was still 4-2, but somehow we were handling the game, and the opponent. We scored one more before the end of the quarter, and go into the 4th up 5-2. The next quarter clearly is going to be heated, and the ref talks to everyone one more time, saying he will call the game if it does not clean up at least a little bit. It did not, but he did not call it either, he just continued to call the game to the best of his ability. And as dirty as it was, good for him. Now, I'm on the boards and I steal the ball from a kid, and push it forward, he takes a clear strike at my back leg, that I brush off, once again, weak attempts from a weak kid. He then gets a yellow card for trying to take me, out, yells, "are you fucking kidding me?" and gets another yellow right away. BOOM, red card, now they have to finish with 3 players and a keeper. At this point we were already up 5-2. Needless to say, we had the advantage, why rush anything. We win a ball forward, I make a bad pass...which I have done many times in my life, but Kurt was also lazy and didn't try, I led him only a little he didn't try, so it went to the corner, he hustled got it and laid it across on the ground and I tap it in, we go on to score one more and win 7-2 against the "scary college team from the area..." as a bunch of scrubs thrown together, playing a man down for the entire freaking game basically. I played about 36 minutes because every time I subbed out, someone else came out 30 seconds later. I once got a break for 2 minutes because I sat to start the third quarter, being exhausted, but I was in 2 minutes into the quarter, just in time to make sure the ref knew that it was the kid who took me out, that it was his 2nd card.

Moral of the story here...To the team we played against...You play soccer at JCC, you are not that big of a deal, you are not all that, and if you want to play a physical game and be douche bags, you'll get it right back, and apparently you can't handle it when a team comes right back at you. Oh, and the 2nd moral, don't fuck with me...I will make you look bad especially when you try to take me out. I won't be cheap, I won't be dirty. I'll trash talk for sure, but I won't get chippy. I'll beat you with my play, and because you are used to getting into people's head, but I get into yours because I am not affected by you being a jackass. Good luck next time, work on playing soccer, and not being cheap, it won't work against me. And finally, get in the weight room pussies. You suck, and are weak, I'm not big and you can't move me off the ball without taking my legs out from behind, and that doesn't work with the extra push after I'm recovering, so you've got a lot of work ahead of you, but I'm not holding my breath for you to get any better any time soon.

Current Mood - Better than earlier, but annoyed by stupid people, like JCC soccer players from that game last night
Current Listenings - still ESPN radio...I told you, sports talk at work, but it's heavy metal and rock at home!

Muck Fessiah

Three weekends ago, my heart was broken. The best run my college soccer team, Medaille College Mavericks, have ever made came to an end.  We, and yes I am going to refer to the team as though I am a part of it (I still have a vested interest in the team, and I was an integral part of where the program is...I graduated in 2008), made it to the sweet 16 of the Division III National Soccer Tournament. Now, let me go back and take you through the path we ran. The season started like every other season since 2004, we were underestimated by the entire country and most importantly, our conference. Well fuck you coaches. We stumbled along the way, losing to Franciscan, which I still do not understand how that happened, and Behrend....Buck Fehrend....beat us with 4 seconds left in regulation...but that did not deter us. We went into our conference tournament as the 2 seed, a tournament we hosted as the #1 seed from 2005 - 2009, and we handled our business against Altoona in the semis 3-0. Then we had to go play Behrend again. And once again it was a tight affair. We went through regulation and two overtimes without a goal. Never in my life have I played a game that at least one goal wasn't scored, so it was crazy to watch. And we go to PK's. Now I hate PK's....Nuck Faz....but that is another story, that maybe I'll go into another time...but they are much less fun from the side of the fan, when you have no control. But Jimmy Friscati came off the bench and into net and made 3 amazing saves, and we won the conference championship 4-3 in 7 rounds of PK's! Again, I repeat...Fuck you coaches! but I'm not bitter at all...

Continuing on,
Round 1: Medaille vs. University of Rochester - The next weekend we play in the first and second rounds of the national tournament. We have to travel to Swarthmore, who by the way, don't know how to spell or pronounce their own school name, but I will get into that. We play Saturday, November 20th against University of Rochester...at Swarthmore University, just outside of Philadelphia...yes we traveled 5 hours to play against a team that is 1 hour down the road... And they are a tough team. But we controlled the majority of play. We out shot and outplayed them for the first half. And we scored 9 minutes into the game. Hip-Hip Jorge!(his name is George, but Jorge, pronounced the Spanish way, fit the chant). However, as the first half wore on, they started to creep back into the game, and the second half was more us playing defense and them pressing. We still out shot them overall, but it was much closer than any game we had played all season. And Nick Kurtz played out of his mind, making many saves from point blank range, especially in the final 5 minutes. It was an intense game, and we won 1-0.
Side point...We went into Philadelphia, and Keith (not that I expect that you will ever read this), I am still mad (not really) that you were not at work like you said you'd be...but o well, sorry we missed you again.

Round 2: Medaille vs. Swarthmore University - Let's start this by saying, that Swarthmore was ranked #9 in the country on NSCAA.com coaches rankings, and #7 on the d3soccer.com top 25 before this game was played. And they played like they should be ranked that high. I have never seen Medaille manhandled the way they were that game. At least, not since we played those stupid Sluzers in the first round in 05...Sure we had our opportunities against Swarthmore, but they were few and far between, and never really dangerous. In the end shots on goal were 10-6, but shots were 20-9 or so. Also, Nick Kurtz again was huge for us. He basically was the only reason we were still in the game at the end. Swarthmore had many chances, and multiple times the ball trailed right along the line and just missed going in. It was so nerve racking, I do not think I have ever been more nervous in my life, while watching a soccer game. Their fans were absurd. And this is where I go on a little rant...

Learn how to heckle...seriously...anything you need to say, if you are heckling, should be done in less than 15 words. With heckling, the less the better...cmon now...One of their fans tried to insult our team...but his heckle was, "Yea, you have to warm up your bench players, and make subs them in because your starters are not good enough to play against us." And no one on our team had any idea what he was saying by the time he finished because let's be honest, no one was listening after the word because. 15 words, done. He did have a good come back when our coaches responded to tell him to settle down...he said "sorry, the last thing I want to do is make your team play bad." I did think that was funny. But seriously Swarthmore, learn to heckle if you are going to do it. Enough said on that.
Next, Learn how to spell...especially the name of your own university and mascot. Your school name is Swarthmore in case you forgot, and your mascot, which I apologize for, is the Garnet...so you are a color...good for you. They had signs and chants saying Lets Go Swat. I'm pretty sure you forgot an R...you can't be Swat when you are Swarth...jeez...I mean seriously. And when you spell out words on your chest, yes they even had those fans there...make sure they are in the right order. I could not tell what you were trying to spell, either Swarth, or Garnet, I never saw all the letters, but you guys had the letter A as the second to last letter....lets check...Swarth...nope....Garnet....nope...cmon now, learn to spell. You are in a good academic college. K done. Now back to the game.

They had this one player, a forward, who was probably one of the best players we've ever played against. He was all over our outside backs, and made them look awful all game. He was way better than our outside backs. And he knew it too. Anytime he wanted to, he got around them and behind them. And he knew he could, and that actually worked out in our favor. Because our center back, Corey Phillips, was all over him on the coverage.  The guy could not get past Corey. And that frustrated him, and 15 minutes into the game he was absolutely yelling at his coaches and fighting with them. The one thing we had going for us, is we played as a team whereas Swarthmore got very frustrated that they were not already ahead, and started fighting amongst themselves. Thank you Swarthmore. However, like I said, Kurtz saved us, again...and here we go, 0-0 through regulation, and overtime was much of the same, dominated by Swarthmore. But 0-0 through two overtimes, welcome back to PK's. Twice in 3 games, 8 days apart, PK's. Enter Jimmy Friscati one more time. And Swarthmore fans heckled him, calling him Double Stuffed, which is a pretty good heckle, short, succinct, right to the point. He is a bigger kid. Good for them, and short and sweet, so I can't complain about that one. But this time no sudden death rounds. Only 5 rounds. We shoot first. They save our first one. They score...we are down 0-1...We make our next one, so do they...1-2...Round 3 We score, Jimmy makes a huge save, 2-2. Round 4 they save our shot...but Jimmy makes another huge save, 2-2 still. Intense moments, one of our senior captains steps up, round 5, slots it home, amazing shot, and we are up 3-2 with their shooter left. There is a backdrop behind the goal, a net to stop balls, its black and anytime the ball hits the goal it moves because it is right on top of the goal. Their shooter shoots to his left, Jimmy dives the right way, and the ball hits netting, it takes the stands a half a second to realize it was just the black netting, he missed just left, and we won! We are in the Sweet 16! What a freaking game and outcome. We did not deserve to win, they were way better than we were, they almost score multiple times, but it was just our time to move on beyond the 2nd round. Yea Medaille! The first AMCC team to advance to the Sweet 16 in the history of the conference.

Now to the heart breaker...
Round 3: Medaille College vs. Messiah College - Let's preface this with this with a couple of facts. Messiah is the 2 time defending national champions and have won 7 of the last 10 at the point when this game was played. Also, 2 years ago, the first year after I graduated, we played Messiah in the 1st round of the national tournament, and until the 83rd minute were winning 1-0, we ended up losing 2-1 in overtime, and they went on to win the national championship. Also, Messiah was ranked #3 on the NSCAA coaches poll, and #1 on the d3soccer.com top 25. Now onto this year. Host school, Muhlenberg College, in Allentown, PA, who played Merchant Marine, and whoever won the game between Messiah and Medaille had the easiest elite 8 game in the tournament. Neither one of those teams posed as a threat to either of us. Sadly, Messiah was another story. This team was just that good. After watching the first 10 minutes of the game, it was clear that we were in trouble. Sure we pressured them a little and made our attempts, but there was just no way we could play defense for an entire 90 minutes and hope to come out on top, it was only a matter of time until they....oops they scored...23 minutes into the first half, we finally broke down. Now, it was a cheesy goal. They had 4 corners in a row because we had trouble clearing it, and it kept going over our own end line. But on the 4th one, we had trouble clearing again, and the ball was bouncing around and one of their players bumbled into it, slid and put it near post, and Nick Kurtz, who had a hell of a game considering what he was facing, got a piece of it too. But it was in the goal, and we were down 1-0. We played out the rest of the second half never truly posing a threat to their defense. Sure George got some pressure in there and Alex Rouse had a couple half chances, but nothing to overly threaten their goalkeeper. Second half is much of the same, and about 20 minutes into the 2nd half, they score again, this time the ball was played across our goal to about 12 yards out, and their player just blasted it past Nick, nothing he could do about it. 2-0 Messiah. They out possessed us the entire game probably close to 75% of the time they held the ball. It was not good for us. We had a hard time, but had a couple chances late as we pushed everything up. But after 429 minutes of playoff soccer without letting up a goal, Messiah broke us down and succeeded, twice. We lost 2-0, and Messiah went on to beat Merchant Marine 3-0 the next day, then win 4-1 in the final 4, and win 2-1 in overtime this past weekend in the finals and finish their 3-peat, and take 8 of the last 11 championships.

Current Mood - Frustrated, wired...just want to work out and stop thinking about things.
Current Listenings - ESPN Radio - love my sports talk while I am at work.

P.S. Buck Fehrend!!!