Love/Hate....Motivate

So, after a long, long absence I have finally decided to write again.  It has been a long time. I want to begin by saying that this will be the first non-soccer post, so you should be excited.  However, I don't overly care what you think. However, for some reason that I have yet to understand, you care what I think if you are here.

Sadly, I have not been to the gym in weeks.  Since before my awesome vacation to New Orleans and Charlotte...but the reason for that is not the vacation.  I have no had motivation recently.  I am going through some shit, and just don't really care.  I had to drop out of the Tough Mudder, a very hard decision that brought me way down, and took every ounce of motivation out of me.  But the gauntlet has been laid down by Ajax, and I am picking it up and smacking him in the face with it! Challenge accepted.  Racing for gains in the weight room.  Finally some new motivation, I can't wait to get back into the gym...Monday...cuz I have a huge test tomorrow that I need to focus on.  Kinda important for my national certification for my job.

Another motivating thing for me, I applied to be a head soccer coach at a college. (And here you thought there wasn't going to be anything about soccer...don't worry, this is it.) Crossing my fingers and hoping for an interview...I don't have a ton of experience, so they won't like that, but I know I can do the job, and if I get an interview, I am going to kill it! Bring it on! Just give me the fucking opportunity. I would give up the last three years of my life in which I earned my Master's and am working on my C.A.S. for School Psychology if I could coach at the college level...it is my ultimate goal to teach at that level or higher.

So, as I said, I am going through a rough time in my life...but one good thing from it is that I started writing again. Never found a reason to write when I (thought I) was happy. Let's be honest, I was lying to myself almost as much as I was being lied to. Sorry...I digress...so I wrote a song.  And it probably isn't very good, as a song.  I don't have any idea how I would make it work as a song, but I am sure I could...I just don't know.  Either way, I think it is a great work of art, and if it doesn't work as a song, then it is a really long poem...but either way, I am introducing it as a song. I have not written a song since high school, so I am out of practice.  But whatever.

So, a small introduction and explanation...not about the meaning...but about how its to be read. If you are confused by this now, you will understand when you read it.  Everything in parenthesis is being whispered, they are like the thoughts in my head.  During verse 1, the thoughts are getting stronger, during verse 2, the thoughts are slowly leaving.  The words not in parenthesis are what I am saying to the world. So here goes, it is called:

Love / Hate

Verse 1

I don’t know what I’d do without you                     (I wish I never met you)

My life wouldn’t be the same without you            (You were the worst thing to happen to me)

What did I do to deserve you                                  (What did I do to deserve this…)

in my life                                                                              (get out of my life)

You are everything to me                                             (You are nothing to me)

Pre-chorus

There was so much I wanted to tell you

My thoughts have been dragging me down

I tried for years to hide it…

But finally I can tell you…                                              (finally)

Chorus

You can’t break me down

You can’t hurt me…ANYMORE

If there is one thing I could say to you

One thing to leave you with

I always loved you

But now I HATE YOU

Verse 2

 You did this to me                                          (You don’t know what you do to me)

I can’t stand you anymore                                           (I need you with me)

When I see you                                                                (When I look in your eyes)

A rage builds inside me                                                 (I get butterflies)

I’ve had enough                                                               (I can’t get enough)

Pre-chorus

There was so much I wanted to tell you

My thoughts have been dragging me down

I tried for years to hide it…

But finally I can tell you…                                              (finally)

Chorus

You can’t break me down

You can’t hurt me…ANYMORE

If there is one thing I could say to you

One thing to leave you with

I always loved you

But now I HATE YOU

Bridge

It’s crazy how you can think one thing

Yet feel another

But finally….                                                      (finally….)

Chorus

You can’t break me down

You can’t hurt me…ANYMORE

If there is one thing I could say to you

One thing to leave you with

I always loved you

But now I HATE YOU

~fin

 Everything was supposed to be lined up...but whatever, I don't feel like messing with the format on here, it is frustrating me. I'll be back soon, with more interesting material for you to waste moments of your life on.

Current mood: Blah
Current song: My Confession - Otep